High tollerance

One of the experiences sensory defensive kids have is that they don't like being touched. I can understand now that much of Firstborn's ticklishness when he was young was probably oversensitivity to touch. The tickling can be very organizing because it is deep pressure. The thought of tickling can be very overwhelming to a touch sensitive child, but the act of tickling is usually pure enjoyment.

Firstborn doesn't like much touch sensation. He sleeps in his boxer shorts because he doesn't like the feeling of pajama pants on his legs. The stiff fabric of denim is OK to him though. Many touch sensitive kids only like cotton knit with no binding elastics or chafing tags. Another area of struggle has always been the change of seasons. Moving from long sleeves to short would leave him feeling odd. At two, he would pull on his short sleeves trying to make them touch the place he had become accustomed to them touching. Each fall, he would cry and try to pull the sleeves up. I scratched my head over this reaction until someone pointed out his other SI symptoms.

As an infant, Firstborn was never a cuddler. In fact, a firm proponent of the family bed, it took me a while to figure out, he was not a proponent of the family bed. In fact, he couldn't sleep with all that warmth and touching. When I finally caved and put him in his own crib because I was so tired from the lack of sleep, he slept through the night for the first time. He quit nursing at 9 months in favor of the mobility of a bottle. He just didn't want to cuddle to drink.

He was totally happy being separate from me.

Until Lastborn came along.

Lastborn is the complete opposite on the touch sensitivity scale. In fact, Lastborn craves touch and requires it for his happiness. He required constant proximity to me even in the heat of summer. He required almost constant nursing. To this day, he still must cuddle with me periodically to be happy.

This made Firstborn jealous. So he began to cuddle with me. Well, that's what it looks like on the surface. But where Lastborn melts his body into mine and positions his head perfectly into my underarm, Firstborn sits rigidly by me requiring a firm grip, but never really relaxing. I don't initiate cuddling with Firstborn. I allow him to initiate. And whenever he does, I interrupt what I am doing and comply. It's important for him to know that it's his choice and not mine; that he's OK even if his style is different from his brother's.

Finally to the point of this post. Lastborn has taken it upon himself to seek cuddling from Firstborn. Can you see where this is going? The very touch defensive being touched by the very touch seeking. And not just touched. Lastborn likes to wrap himself around Firsborn in an inseparable knot, sort of like those metal genius puzzles that you must untangle without disconnecting the pieces.

We have many pictures of Lastborn draped across Firstborn's body while Firstborn plays a video game. Firstborn rarely complains unless some body part gets pinched or crushed. I always thought this was just Lastborn's attempt to keep an eye on what Firstborn was up to. It all started before Lastborn was allowed to play a Gameboy.

But this morning, I found them all knotted up reading books. Obviously, Firstborn had settled himself on the couch first. Then Lastborn had picked up his book and insinuated himself onto Firstborn. Lastborn likes to sit in very bizarre positions. He likes to be in close physical contact.

I imagine that this whole thing is very hard on Firstborn. I'm very proud of his lack of complaint. This is probably very good grooming or Firstborn's future married life.